by Kelly Reeves
Shaking hands has been a valuable part of our culture and society for many generations. Since ancient times, man has reached out his hand to show he comes in peace and friendship. A handshake has long been considered an indicator of a person’s trustworthiness, confidence, and character. A handshake is often the first step in a long-lasting friendship and has “sealed the deal” on many agreements, business deals, verbal contracts, and even peace treaties throughout history.
The Covid-19 Pandemic of 2020 caused a pause in handshaking and some predicted the end of handshaking altogether. The fear of transferring the virus took us from handshaking to fist bumping, then elbow bumping, and then waving at one another. Post pandemic the proper handshake has returned. Most folks are handshaking without fear once again.
A handshake is a first impression that lasts much longer than that particular moment. These first impressions are made in mere seconds and sometimes last forever. A proper handshake can greatly increase the odds of making a good first impression. A poor handshake can assure a bad first impression, which is why it is so important to master the proper handshake. Handshakes serve as a promise to adhere to an agreement, a formal good-bye, a sincere apology, or a proper “thank you.” Sadly, the traditional handshake seems to be fading away like camera film, cassette tapes and common sense. What’s worse, is it appears to have been replaced with the “bro hug”, fist bumps, and high-fives. Although the bro hug is now much more culturally accepted in some settings, many settings it is considered taboo. What exactly is a bro hug? It’s a combination of a handshake and a one-armed hug. The participants keep their right hands locked in a handshake, and wrap their left arm around the other’s shoulder. The embrace ends with either a mutual chest bump or a couple of quick pats on the back.
I lost my father as a young kid, but was blessed to have been raised by a family friend, Mickey Cauthron. Mickey, the “Ol’ Man” as I called him, was a manly man from a long line of manly men. He felt strongly about the importance of a handshake and taught me the do’s and dont’s of handshaking early on. I laughingly recall a time around the early to mid 1990’s when Mickey and I met a stranger. Mickey stuck out his open hand and the stranger took his hand, pulled Mickey toward him and hugged him with is left arm. Today, this is known as a bro hug and is very common. In the early 90’s, neither of us had seen this before. Mickey quickly got out of the embrace and said to the man, “What’s wrong with you? I ain’t no fellow hugging type of fellow!” Needless to say, this fellow made a bad impression with his choice of greetings and it turned out to be a long-lasting bad impression.
In 2024, the bro hug is quite acceptable in many circles of close friends, but it should stay between close friends in a particular setting. Any new introduction, farewell, or business deal should begin with a proper traditional handshake. Although the bro hug is now much more culturally accepted, in many settings, it is considered taboo. Young men greeting friends at a gym, school campus, or a bar may be fine giving a bro hug. The same young men would probably be better served to revert to a classic traditional handshake in professional settings. The unexpected bro hug can cause some unintended tension to the hugee. Some men, especially those of the older generations, just plain don’t like it. Others may approve in certain situations, but not all. I recently witnessed a man give several bro hugs as he returned from a jogging trip. I quickly retreated to avoid any attempt at sharing a sweaty bro hug. Some advise for those times a bro hug can’t be avoided. 1) Make it quick. It’s not supposed to be a long embrace. 2) Stand back and lean forward into it. This minimizes the chances of accidentally brushing belt buckles and making a bad situation worse. 3) Make a clean break. When it’s over, it’s over. Disengage and back up.
The art of the classic traditional handshake:
1) Keep your right hand free and available. Remove your glove if you are wearing them.
2) Stand on your feet. Never shake a standing man’s hand while you are seated.
3) Look the person in the eyes and give a friendly smile. Maintain eye contact until the shake is over.
4) A sweaty hand should be wiped before offering your hand to shake!
5) Don’t rush it. Offer your hand with fingers extended and thumb up. Don’t grip the person’s hand until the thumb webs meet and palms are touching. If you rush it and one of you just gets the fingers of the other person, you’ve ruined it. Stop, release, and redo.
6) A firm grip shows confidence and enthusiasm. If you are given a firm grip, match it but, don’t go overboard. There’s no need to crush the other’s fingers. Never offer a limp hand for shaking. No one wants to grab a clammy, flaccid hand that feels like wet noodles. If the other party gives you a limp grip, return it with a firm grip. Maybe he will learn something. However, there is no need to squeeze hard enough to crush bones.
7) Two or three small shakes is plenty. Don’t go overboard with the shaking. Always shake from the elbow, never the wrist.
8) Make a clean break. When it’s over, it’s over. There is no need to linger.
Shaking hands with the ladyfolk is another issue. Many men find this situation awkward and are unsure of exactly how to handle it. Just a couple of generations ago, men weren’t expected to shake hands with women. That is no longer the case. It is however, customary for the man to wait for the woman to extend her hand. The man should then give the woman the same firm handshake as a man.
Handshakes are the front door to social success. Though it may not be done consciously, a handshake is always graded by the recipient. You now have the information needed to make a passing grade.
Whether you are meeting a stranger, sealing a business deal, offering an apology, or saying farewell, a proper handshake is called for and is still an important part of our society.
