by Kelly Reeves
Safety and security is something we all want, need, and desire. In this day and age of high-tech security options, at what point does piece of mind collide with quality of life?
I was recently invited to visit a local ranch. The rancher instructed me to call him upon my arrival for instructions on entering the gate. On my arrival at the beautiful entry gate, I immediately noticed signs on and near the gate that stated, “Private Property, No Trespassing” … “Security Cameras In Use” … “This is a working ranch, not a petting zoo.” I did as instructed and made the call. The rancher said, “When we hang up, you’ll receive a text message with the gate code. The code will work for three minutes. If you fail to open the gate within three minutes, you’ll have to call me back for another code.” I successfully opened the gate and drove down the long and winding driveway toward the barn. I noticed several signs along the driveway, “Beware of Dogs”, “Smile. You’re On Camera”, and one that read “This Ranch is protected by the Good Lord, two Catahoula Curs, and an AR-15”, and a little further down the drive was a sign that read, “You are now in range.”
I met the owner at the barn, and during our visit, we were interrupted several times by a notification tone on his phone. The rancher explained that the “Ding” was a driveway alarm letting him know someone had entered the drive. A photo of whatever broke the invisible beam accompanied the “Ding”. I thought to myself, “This place is more secure than El Chapo’s mansion.” I also thought, “This much security would drive me nuts. I didn’t move to the country to live like this, but, to each their own.”
Later that day, I was thinking about my visit. It really wasn’t much of a visit because my host was so preoccupied with the security measures. I realize things have changed from the old days, but have we taken it too far?
I believe a flock of free-ranging guineas would meet most of the security criteria needed on the average farm or ranch, even in the year 2023. A flock of guinea fowl is known as a “mob” rather than a flock. There is a good reason for this, too. They are the original farm alarm system and were commonplace on most farms at one time. They worked two-hundred years ago, and I believe they’ll work now.
For those of you unfamiliar with guinea fowl, they are believed to have been imported from Africa to the United States over 200 years ago aboard slave ships. The strange birds look like the product of a cross of a prehistoric buzzard and a Voo-Doo chicken. The result is a bird the size of a laying hen with black plumage covered in small white dots. Their head and neck are bald, bare, with black and blue skin. The top of their head is covered in red skin with a large top-knot protruding on top, like a military battle helmet, and bright red wattles below. They have red eyes to add to their savage appearance.
At the break of day, the mob flys down from their roost and begins their morning patrol duties. When they hit the ground, their mouths start running, much like a teenage girl. They go about their day chattering the entire time. It’s difficult to differentiate between the sexes as they look so similar. The only sure way to tell them apart is by their sounds. The guinea rooster makes a constant one syllable “Chi Chi Chi Chi” sound, while the hen makes a two syllable sound of “Come Back, Come Back, Come Back.” These sounds are constant! All day long.
They spend their days together in a pack, much like a Chicago street gang. You will rarely see a guinea alone. The mob of guineas patrol the farm keeping an eye open for anything awry. These fowl are fiercely territorial and will defend their turf like a street gang. They are the top dog in the watchdog world. While those Catahoula curs are asleep on the porch, the guineas are on full alert. When one sees anything out of order, it sounds the alarm, a loud screaming “Chi, Chi, Chi, Chi, Come Back, Come Back, Chi, Chi, Come Back!!!!” All the others immediately respond as back-up with their own screams. The mob of clown-like gangster birds chase and circle the offender all while screaming their alarm. Now, the offender may be a snake, an unknown person, a vehicle they are not accustomed to, a stray dog or cat, a hawk overhead, fox slinking around, or anything else that they believe is out of place, or trespassing on their turf. Nothing escapes the wrath of the guinea gang. The mob of guineas quickly learn that their alarm brings the farmer running to take care of the problem. They will take care of minor offenders themselves, such as cats, snakes, or small humans without help from the farmer. Small animals and small humans can’t help but run when a mob of guineas are after them. They will all attack and kill a snake with ease. As soon as the security breech is taken care of, they go back to patrolling, foraging for bugs as they go. Ticks are a favorite snack for guineas. They have been credited for eradication of tick infestations for 200 years. They also seek and destroy beetles, June bugs, slugs, caterpillars, crickets, grass hoppers, and worms. They are such intense foragers, they don’t require much commercial feed to supplement their diet. Winter months may require more grocery assistance as nature’s bug buffet diminishes.
This article might seem one-sided and wouldn’t be complete without addressing the cons of owning guinea fowl. There are some to be mentioned. First and foremost, they are noisy. Until you get used to it, their constant chatter may seem quite obnoxious. They do not play well with free ranging hens, turkeys, or other fowl. They are bullies. If you don’t pen them at night, they will roost in tall trees and are likely to fall prey to owls. They nest on the ground in isolated tall grass. A solo guinea hen on a nest is easy pickings for a coyote or other large predators. They like to roam. They may well visit a nearby neighbor. The neighbor may not be as open-minded as you are. I still think the pros outweigh the cons by a long shot.
The addition of these unique birds to your farm or ranch is a perfect way to strengthen your defenses on a budget. You get a full security team, a pack of watchdogs, and a fleet of professional exterminators that are very low maintenance and work cheaply. It might be the best investment of the year.
